Posted in Human Behavior

It's Time To Be Assertive - By Gail Kasper

Gail Kasper, Author, Television Host, Certified Fitness Trainer, and Motivational Speaker


Passive and aggressive people are more than a problem just to themselves; they hurt others around them.


Both of these people are a struggle in life. Both suffer from a negative personality traits, but with time, this can be fixed. Being aggressive means people will fear you. Being passive results in being walked on. Being passive and aggressive, or some combination, is a negative personality type.


However, being assertive is a positive personality type and earns respect. Below please find the breakdown of the various personality types.

1) The Passive Person: This is someone who doesn't stand up for their rights as a person, allows people to walk all over them and generally is incapable of balancing their needs and goals with those of others.                                                

2) The Aggressive Person:  This personality type makes demands of the world with no concern for the rights of other people. Though they are overly assertive and empowered about what they want, their disrespectful nature ensures that others feel intimidated by them. They generally dominate and control others. They struggle to connect with others and maintain the relationships that provide support for goal achievement. 


3) The Assertive Person: This personality is the person who knows how to respect others and themselves. They can get things done, ask for aid and cooperation, and reach their goals with help without intimidating or bullying others. People need to cultivate an assertive positive personality type because either they are passive and frequently having their personal rights violated or are constantly violating the rights of others as an aggressive personality. Neither of the two negative personality types allows for mutual empowerment and respect.


If you are passive or aggressive, your goals and tasks are a bit harder to accomplish, but certainly possible.
Developing a more assertive way of being, and handling your life, simply means your life will be your own. No one else controls your life and no one else can take your personal power and vice versa. As a passive or aggressive person the control belongs to others, and you ability to accomplish things disappears. With an assertive personality you can accomplish just about anything you need to, life flows with you instead of against or away from you. You can cultivate an assertive positive personality by following the tips shared here.


Understand that changing your or another's personality is not effortless or immediate. It takes time and dedicated effort, but improvement is possible.


Tips to Get Started


•    You must first confront the person with the facts of their personality. If its your own problem, assess yourself and ask for honest feedback from family or friends. If you are giving feedback to someone else, be certain to give them credible evidence of their actions and behavior and the effects of this on their own and others' lives.                                                 


•    Let them know they aren't in control, no matter what they may have believed. It is important to handle this situation sensitively. Ask them questions about what they are trying to accomplish. Explain what you may see as an outcome based on how they handle a situation. Tearing down their façade of power is a key step to getting them to admit an assertive positive personality is a more empowered and successful personality. Accepting your own powerlessness, to control others, is a good start (if you are the person defaulting to the aggressive personality type).


•    Remind the person expressing a passive personality type that putting other feelings and needs in front of their own, is not reflective of love for others, or love toward themselves. Tell the aggressive person that the world is not required to listen to their angry demands and outrageous desires just because they are "standing strong."  


•    Lastly explain just what change can do for them, tell them what's in it for them - accomplishment of life's goals and dreams. Communicate to them that it is in their very best interest to make an attitude adjustment and be assertive… balanced on the continuum between aggressive and passive.


•    Practice being conscious of personality stances in various situations. Notice which personality type you and others tend to default to. Awareness is key to transformation. Once you identify your general stance, you can practice stopping the negative personality traits of your particular type. Or, if you are assisting another person in letting go of their default negative personality type, whether passive or aggressive, you can reflect their unconscious negative personality choices.              


When we are conscious of our personality patterns and default choices, we can determine to choose differently. Irrelevant of whether this advice is for you or someone close to you, your odds for a positive future and great change are high… if you are willing to bring awareness to negative default personality types, so you and others can choose differently. It is simple really, when you enlighten the passive and aggressive people in your life about what they are missing out on, they will quickly grow and change in an effort to look out for themselves.


We all want to live a life of action, accomplish our goals, and fulfill our dreams. We need other people, and an empowered assertive personality to do so. 


About Gail Kasper:

Mid-1998, Gail Kasper started her business from a  small one-bedroom apartment, with no money and no clients. Today, Gail  is the host of the late-night television show Raw Reality, one of the  nation's leading speakers, author, Top 1% Club Mentor, advice  columnist, Certified Fitness Trainer, Ms. Continental America 2008,  and the creator of SAD-T™ (Systematic Attitude Development- Technique™). A former Contributing Editor to Success Magazine with the  "Ask Gail" column and host of the "Ask Gail" segment on the Comcast  morning show, Gail is the author of her self-help autobiography  Another Day Without A Cage: My Breakthrough From Self-Imprisonment To  Total Empowerment and the self-help parable Unstoppable: 6 Easy Steps  To Achieve Your Goals. With national media appearances that include  Inside Edition, The Today Show, FOX Business News, and Oprah and  Friends, Gail has earned the ranking of an in-demand national media  personality who has been the topic of discussion on Regis and Kelly.  Also, the current host of the Philadelphia Visitors Channel, she has  also made numerous appearances on network affiliates that include ABC,  FOX, CW11, Comcast, and CBS, where she co-hosted the Emmy award- winning America's TVJobNetwork.


This article is courtesy of the Top 1% Club and the Top 1% Club Mentor Gail Kasper. For additional information on Gail Kasper, her television appearances and speaking engagements, please visit