Posted in Personal Development

Life After Divorce: Take Stock, Make Changes, And Move On! - By Gail Kasper

Gail Kasper is an Author, Television Host, Certified Fitness Trainer, and Motivational Speaker


Many divorced people want to move on with their lives, but they aren't sure how. Every day is a struggle for them, but peace is achievable with the right strategy and proactive lifestyle. You want to achieve happiness right now and have hope for the future? Changing your day to day approach to life can get you just that!


Taking Stock


To begin, you must take stock of your situation. When you have clarified your situation you can see which areas need work and determine what support and resources you need to shift those areas. You must know where you are and where you want to go to be able to create a plan to get there. Divorce affects every area of your life. It can negatively impact the emotional and the practical, the intangible and the tangible, aspects of your daily life. So take a good hard look at where you are. Once you have that knowledge it is just a matter of creating a plan and taking action to move on from your pain. So let’s take a "personal inventory."


Personal Inventory


Consider your life right now. Take some time to reflect upon where you stand financially, emotionally, romantically, and physically. Take a sheet of paper and make notes about every area of your life… friends, family (including children), career, self care, health and physical fitness, emotional life, finances and your home experience. Do you have a social and support network? Are your finances a mess? Do you need a wellness plan?


Remember to be as honest as you can, if things are bad then accept that things are bad. Detail where you are struggling right now whether financially or emotionally or any other area. Things can only get better if you are at the bottom. You can become a happier person than ever, not the bitter ex-wife or ex-husband you are or are on the way to becoming, but someone with their own new life and identity! Take a sincere look at your life, and capture a detailed snap shot, and now decide to make some powerful changes.

Okay. You've decided to make some changes and now you need to consider just what they are. You know where you are now, but take some time to figure out where you want to be. 


What do I Need and Want?


How do you want or need to change your life for the better? Do you want to be healthier and happier? Or would you like a more peaceful relationship with your ex and an even closer relationship with your children? Do you need to do some deep emotional healing work to release anger, blame and judgment about your ex that is keeping you stuck? Is romance something you want to bring back into your life soon? Perhaps your mind is focused on your finances? Do you want something as simple as to clear out old things or as big as moving to a new home? Do you need to develop a better support network? Answer questions like these and soon you'll have an idea of your dream future!


Changes and How to Make Them


Fiscal Frustrations~ Most divorces involve or create fiscal issues. You may have to support two households, you may have issues getting spousal support, a newly single parent must adjust to a single income household, or a person who has never supported themselves or their children may have to get a job. The scenarios go on and on, but the key is to assess your situation and make choices for the better. You may have tough decisions. You might have to change your lifestyle, learn a new career skill, or save and invest for your future. Get clear about your monthly income and expenses. Create a monthly spending plan and stick to it. Create a will. Consider your financial future. Create a vision and map of your financial future including your retirement. Just don't let your money issues sneak up and surprise you.


Finding Friends~ Sometimes friendship is just the thing you need in life. We all need support and socializing can provide opportunities to clear your head and feel love in your heart. But what do you do if all your old friends were "our friends", and they suddenly disappear. No one wants to take sides. How can you solve this? Easy, go out or go online and make new social networks. Make new friends or find new hobbies. Find people who have been through your same situation and moved on. New friends who take your mind off the divorce in general are great too, as are people who share your interests. Join some clubs or groups that meet regularly and find new interests or passions to fill your life. There are online communities for those who are a little shy. There are also online groups to support the divorced. Try reaching out for the friendship and support your need and see how much better you feel.


Family & Home~ Other than friends, your family is a magnificent resource for love and companionship. Open up and let them in, you'll feel better and you all will be closer. Let the family members you are close to know that you want to focus on an exciting future. Ask them to help. Their support will be a great strength for you. And so is your home, a place that should be your sanctuary. If you and your family are still living in a landmine of memories, it may be time for a change! You may be dealing with living alone for the first time in a long while. Change your home. Either move somewhere for a fresh start, or freshen up the place you are in. Try new paint and plants and switch out your furniture. Definitely remove memory offenders to give yourself time to heal. If you're over whelmed by your space as a single… remember that this is a chance to reestablish your personal style, make changes with only you in mind and create a sanctuary for your new life.


Physical & Emotional Health~ Staying healthy mentally and physically in any situation is essential for dealing with challenges and key to letting go and moving on to face the future. If you need to make some dietary changes, get going to that gym or seek some therapeutic help, get to it. Make small changes each day, and avoid negative mental processes. Find an emotional support group, therapist or coach who can support you in creating a new life. Get motivational audios, books and the other resources you need to motivate and inspire yourself. Do not be embarrassed if you're out of shape mentally and physically! People who care about you will support your endeavors to find wellness and life balance and healing. This step is required if you want to handle your issues, live life to its fullest and be happy enough to open up to people again romantically. Do not ignore these areas of your life and hide behind the rest.


Live Now to create Your Happy Future


Living for your happy future means cleaning up your life now. Don't feel over whelmed. Just take baby steps and focus on one or two areas in your life at a time. Your world will be renewed in your eyes and in reality as you make these changes. Conscious change allows moving on from a divorce to be happen naturally. If you join a gym you will reap physical, emotional and mental benefits. If you take a class or join a group you will naturally make new friends and possibly meet a new love interest. If you get a coach or therapist you will process your experience and let it go or get the support you need to take action. You will slowly but surely no longer be that divorced person, frustrated, angry and alone. You’ll be that great single guy or girl, positive, energized and proactive, who has so much going for them. So what are you waiting for? I know you can do it. Take stock, make changes, and move on!


About Gail Kasper: Mid-1998, Gail Kasper started her business from a small one-bedroom apartment, in the middle of bankruptcy, with no money in the bank. Today, Gail is one of the nation's leading speakers, author, Top 1% Club Mentor, a television host, advice columnist, Certified Fitness Trainer, Ms. Continental America 2008, and the creator of SAD-T™ (Systematic Attitude Development-Technique™). A former Contributing Editor to Success Magazine with the "Ask Gail" column and host of the "Ask Gail" segment on the Comcast morning show, Gail is the author of her self-help autobiography Another Day Without A Cage: My Breakthrough From Self-Imprisonment To Total Empowerment and the self-help parable Unstoppable: 6 Easy Steps To Achieve Your Goals. With national media appearances that include Inside Edition, The Today Show, FOX Business News, and Oprah and Friends, Gail has earned the ranking of an in-demand national media personality who has been the topic of discussion on Regis and Kelly. The current host of the Philadelphia Visitors Channel, she has also made numerous appearances on network affiliates that include ABC, FOX, CW11, Comcast, and CBS, where she co-hosted the Emmy award-winning America's TVJobNetwork.


This article is courtesy of the Top 1% Club and the Top 1% Club Mentor Gail Kasper. For additional information on Gail Kasper, her television appearances and speaking engagements, please visit