President of Financial Examinations & Evaluations, Inc.
Change is a part of life. So why is change so hard - is standing still really so bad?
No one really likes the new; taking a new step, going to a new country, dating a new person - even the slightest amount of change can fill us with a stir of foreboding. In the case of drastic change the uneasiness is of course more deeper longer lasting and we know we can never be fully prepared for the really new. Every adjustment we make for the radically new - we must adjust our concept of worth and self esteem. It is part of a test we must undergo. We must undergo the process if only to prove to ourselves that we can survive. It takes inordinate self-confidence or delusions to face change without an inner gnawing fear of the unknown, success, failure, the loss that change brings, loss of comfort, upsetting others, your ability, or maybe even the guilt...
Let's take a look at a few of these.
Fear of Success
In Marianne Williamson's words, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Is it that we fear success or we fear that our community of friends will ostracizes us as being over achievers, do we fear looking foolish, to we fear change so much that our current wallow is preferable?
Fear of Failure
This fear is tied very tightly to the fear of being wrong or being seen as being wrong. Part of this fear is that you do not know what measuring systems you will be set against and how - in practice - these new measuring systems work. Thus, to avoid being wrong - you avoid the opportunity. No one has ever learned anything worthwhile being right. To try, is the first action and it always comes before both success and failure.
Fear of Loss
When life changes we can loose comfortable neighborhoods, colleagues we admire, homes in which we have nested, and routines that are - well - comfortable. All of this is true. But is it is not a loss just a chnage.
Fear of Upsetting
We have been told for so long “can’t you just get along”? Upsetting friends and colleagues and family members is a façade since they too are uncomfortable with your change and how your change might effect them. This façade is a selfish hold on you they present to hold you back so they do not have to face change.
Fear of your Ability
Well, if you are any good at what you do, you will always question your ability. Questioning your ability comes from the knowledge that there are always smarter faster and more informed people in the world than you. Mother Theresa struggled with her faith, and while her belief never waivered, she doubted her faith and her abilities were up to her calling. Healthy doubt curbs the excesses and errors of hubris.
This is a useless emotion for 99% of the time one feels guilty. You feel guilty or selfish as you are putting your needs above other’s façades of needs. You’ll here guilt creeping from the voice in your head. You will hear expressions such as “I really should be doing this, or must do this etc...” Argue with that voice.
Assessing and being aware of the list of anti change agents above we can be ready for the changes that come with everyday life and the growth each of us seek.
Massive change, earth shaking, jaw dropping, epic change - occurs every day. People are handed pink slips, receive a grave health diagnosis, loose a loved one to a tragedy, loose everything to a natural disaster. We see this each and every day on the television and in our families. As my mother said, very clearly long before she became ill - “Prepare for my death - for the only way for you are going to avoid my death is if you go first!” Massive change happens to us all, in time.
The fact that we can never be fit and ready for those things that are wholly and completely new produces some odd results. A group, undergoing drastic change, is a group of misfits and misfits act in fits of passion. Their actions come from a position of a lack of confidence and the fits of passion are what fills the void. These people are explosive, unguided and require action (any action will do). If your mind is not trained, and you rely on the passions of others to guide you, as a substitute for your inaction, be prepared to be lead, and quite probably mislead by the noisiest gong in the throngs of the passionate misfits. If your mind is trained, trained to see these conditions when they occur, and these circumstances occur often, your calm actions will be constructive and you will find yourself a leader of others.
Why is standing still so bad? It leads to the tyranny of the Status Quo (Thank You Milton Friedman) and your efforts will be held subservient to those in power who profit from your efforts when rendered with in their Status Quo. The maxim “The Status Quo is always wrong” - may have not held much water in the 1300’s when change came slow, but it was true than and even, if I may use the construct, even more truer now. Choosing the Status Quo is not choosing stasis. Choosing the Status Quo is a choice for a slow decline.
Change and breathing are essential parts of life, when one stops so does the other.
Mr. Files is a published author of five books, in particular "Due Diligence for the Financial Professional, 2nd edition 2010" and "Money and Budgets" other writing and material can be found at .https://www.feeinc.com/media.php. Mr. Files is an international speaker on these topics.
FE&E, Inc. is an international investigative firm specializing in, fraud prevention, asset recovery, due diligence, anti money laundering and intellectual property.
As a financial industry insider for over 30 years he is keenly aware of the type, and accuracy of the information required to make decisions. Mr. Files has been the case manager on fraud investigations ranging from tens of thousands of dollars to over 3 billion. As an international expert on due diligence and Intellectual Property and Critical Information (IPCI) he is regularly sought for those cases that bedevil the desktop practitioners.
This article is courtesy of the Top 1% Club and the Top 1% Club Mentor Gail Kasper. For additional information on Gail Kasper, her television appearances and speaking engagements, please visit gailkasper.com.