Posted in Relationships

Looking For "The One" Online? Use This Checklist To Create The Right Profile - By Gail Kasper

Gail Kasper is an Author, Television Host, Certified Fitness Trainer, and Motivational Speaker


Is it possible to find love, romance and happily ever after online? The happily married couples of numerous online dating sites make it clear that is so. If you are looking for "the One" online, creating a better online dating profile will increase your odds of being found and recognized by the love of your life. 


Maybe you remember online dating from the successful 2009 film "Paul Blart: Mall Cop?" There is a scene where less than movie-star handsome and overweight Paul’s mother fills out his profile and uploads a personal video that he made. Paul’s profile isn’t really working for him, even though he is an eligible man and his mother's input doesn't help. So, how can you create a profile that is effective?


You must create a profile that captures the interest of potential partners and reveals your unique attractive identity. You want your profile to do two things… magnetize the people you want and deter those who won't be a good fit. 


Most dating sites have questionnaires to help you develop your profile. These definitely make profile development easy, but also mean their dating profiles have a generic sameness and may mean you leave out the uniqueness that distinguishes you. 


Keep in successful online dating, like any worthy endeavor, often takes time. Profiles that are appealing are developed with effort. You can expect to continually refine your profile until you begin to see the results you want.  


"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain." A dating profile is a lot like a want ad. The first step to revising your current profile is to rethink and be clear about what you are looking for so you can write the ideal profile. 


Carefully consider your energy levels, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual needs. Consider the main areas of life… wealth, health, relationship(s), ethnic background, education, life purpose, location, fun and religion/spirituality. Get clear about what you are looking for in each of those areas. A successful lifetime commitment requires that you be as compatible and so as honest about your values as possible. A short term commitment will be most fulfilling if both parties are on the same page about the relationship potential. 


Do you require that your partner be debt free? Are you open to having a relationship with someone who has a physical or other challenge? Do you want a partner who is close to their family, or from a large or small family? Do you desire a mate who is of a particular ethnic background? Does your love need to be degreed or have an advanced degree? Do you want someone who is climbing the corporate ladder, someone self-employed or a professional? Do you have requirements that your potential spouse be open to staying home and caring for potential future children? Do you prefer a partner with someone who is in the industry you work in? Do you require a partner who pursues personal transformation work and ongoing education? Do you only wish to pursue relationship with someone of the same religious background, affiliation or preference? Are you open to a long distance relationship or only to a partner who resides in or near your area? Will you only pursue potential love interests who share your idea of fun? Do they need an appreciation for literature, fine wines, online gaming, Renaissance fairs, physical fitness and working out?


Write your profile in a word processing program, it makes it easier to spell check and edit, after you polish it you can cut and paste it into the site. Create a first draft of online dating profile content and include the including the following:


Username~ Choose carefully as it says so much about you. You could be misinterpreted if you choose a username such as Princess1974. 


Headline with Heat~ Your headline, also known as a tagline, is a sound bite for your profile. Choose something that reflects your personality accurately. Ideally it is positive, engaging and clever. You don't have to be funny. Honesty is more important than being entertaining.


Keep it Simple Sweetheart~ An overlong profile may overwhelm or turn off readers. It needs to be long enough to paint a picture, and short enough to avoid boring. Be honest, but not exhaustive in your sharing. Stick to the essentials. Do share crucial information such as having children or being recently divorced.


Photographs are Foremost~ A recent clear picture is required. Would you try to make a connection with someone at a party while wearing a paper bag over your head? Many potential partners won't look at a profile without a photograph. The photo should be less than a year old and as flattering as possible. Try for a memorable picture taken in a natural setting. Avoid photographic clichés such as a photograph with your pet.


Be True to Type~ Don't surprise potential partners by failure to resemble your profile photo or being secretive about significant physical details. If you are full-figured then be open about that. Your self-esteem will take a hit if you are dishonest, or cagey, and you meet and they express obvious disappointment or feel like you lied or let them down.


Nothing but the Truth~ Be accurate about habits and preferences. Don't claim traits and behaviors that are not true. If you are a couch potato who wishes they were more motivated then say so. If you are compulsive about working out, and hope they are as well, then share that detail. 


Audio is Attractive~ Some people are especially responsive to sound. You or potential partners may feel chemistry, or distinct lack of chemistry, based on voice. Record a profile audio file, from a small script you write and deliver, rerecording until the delivery sounds natural. Consider sharing a line of poetry, a quote that you love or telling a story about yourself (something funny, or happy, perhaps from childhood).


Positivity Sells~ Focus on your positive traits and share them in a positive manner. People have different perceptions of everything from beauty to what is interesting. Avoid personal caveats and disclaimers such as, "I am not really beautiful," or "I used to be more fit/thing." If you feel negative about life or yourself, or have pain about past relationships or other life  challenges, considering doing personal transformation work to process the past, improve your self-image and boost your self-esteem.


Paint a Picture~ Share who you are, not what you do, have accomplished or how you look. Remember to describe the experiences that are meaningful to you in pictorial language. If you love snow and snowboarding then describe the sun and wind on your face and how it feels like flying when you ride powder. 


Boring is Out~ Avoid banal cliché profile phrases and descriptive words such as "like to hang out with friends," "friendly," "intelligent," "enjoy movies," and "positive." These have become meaningless. You need to be much more specific to find your one, that person who is compatible with you in the essential ways. Example: Instead of "I like the beach," try describing your attraction like this, "The sound, smell and feel of the sand, sun and ocean relax me like nothing else… and I want to share the experience."


Eliminate Non-fits Upfront~ Rapidly eliminate non-compatible partners up front and create space for that great fit. State deal-breakers at the bottom of your profile. If you can't be involved with someone who has pets, children, does recreational drugs, has a criminal record. This is the place to note any specific moral, religious or social factors you need to name. By the same token you should share any potential deal breakers at the bottom of your profile.


Avoid trendy acronyms~ Online lingo may be confusing. Do you know what BBW, FA, FS, or LDR mean? (Big Beautiful Woman, Fat Acceptance, Financially Secure and Long Distance Relationship) It is best to avoid abbreviations that no everyone will understand.


Phrases to Avoid: 

"I have been out of the dating scene, and some friends/my family/my kids/my ex, said I should try this."

"I hate my ex/idiots/liars/cheaters."

"I am so lonely/ready for someone to complete me/sick of people."

Phrases to Consider:

"I'm open to love."

"I am passionate about ___________ (Ex: "…silent film. Wanna go see one?")

"I am open to discovering more about myself and someone new."


Don't Eliminate Unnecessarily~ Don't describe preferences that aren't deal breakers. Establishing a preference for blondes may discourage the brunette who is an ideal fit otherwise. Do eliminate the types of relationship you are NOT actually looking for… state whether you are looking for friends first that may lead to more, a serious relationship, or something casual. 


About Me~ The about me section of an online dating profile is, like the opening paragraph of a book, an essential opportunity to capture a readers interest in a paragraph. It is key to be honest, tell a descriptive story, and avoid seeming contrived.


Remember~ Be honest. Tell a story, don’t share facts. Edit and revise. Spell check. Be humble, avoid boasting. Don't just talk about yourself, describe your Soul mate. Be realistic, your ideal partner is human which means imperfections. It is laughable when a guy or girl with average looks wants a relationship with a model type.


Consider and capture these profile elements in draft form. You are going to first edit and refine them and then paste them into your online profile.


First, cut all half truths or outright lies designed to make you sound like a catch. Now return to the questions above and find more accurate statements to replace the ones you are cutting. Next revise all the content… find a more powerful way to communicate your identity. Again, "I like pizza" is less attractive and engaging than "I love the taste of fresh tomato sauce with basil and hot melting buffalo mozzarella baked in a deep dish crust that I made myself. Did I mention I used to live in the Windy City?" 


Less is more so share the essentials in the most sensorial story-like way possible. Online dating can be a way to meet potential romantic partners outside of your normal circles. It is an easy way to connect, and flirt, and choose from many possible partners. Remember to be strategic. Create a profile that accurately reflects your identity and heart's desire and increase your chance of being recognized by your "One." Be discerning when reading the profiles of potential partners; with some effort you should be able to get a sense for how open and genuine other profiles are. Remember to be appropriately cautious and have fun. Before you know it will be "You've got mail" and you will have significantly increased your odds of connecting with "the One." To your success in love and life.


About Gail Kasper: Mid-1998, Gail Kasper started her business from a small one-bedroom apartment, in the middle of bankruptcy, with no money in the bank. Today, Gail is one of the nation's leading speakers, author, Top 1% Club Mentor, a television host, advice columnist, Certified Fitness Trainer, Ms. Continental America 2008, and the creator of SAD-T™ (Systematic Attitude Development-Technique™). A former Contributing Editor to Success Magazine with the "Ask Gail" column and host of the "Ask Gail" segment on the Comcast morning show, Gail is the author of her self-help autobiography Another Day Without A Cage: My Breakthrough From Self-Imprisonment To Total Empowerment and the self-help parable Unstoppable: 6 Easy Steps To Achieve Your Goals. With national media appearances that include Inside Edition, The Today Show, FOX Business News, and Oprah and Friends, Gail has earned the ranking of an in-demand national media personality who has been the topic of discussion on Regis and Kelly. The current host of the Philadelphia Visitors Channel, she has also made numerous appearances on network affiliates that include ABC, FOX, CW11, Comcast, and CBS, where she co-hosted the Emmy award-winning America's TVJobNetwork.


This article is courtesy of the Top 1% Club and the Top 1% Club Mentor Gail Kasper. For additional information on Gail Kasper, her television appearances and speaking engagements, please visit