Posted in Relationships

How Would One Avoid A Bad Relationship - By L. Burke Files

President of Financial Examinations & Evaluations, Inc.


My work is focused on the preventions of loss through fraud, or recovery from fraud, that is if I was not engaged in the first place.  My work has covered small business, large multinational business and governments and cases from a few thousand dollars to billions of dollars in over 40 plus countries.  On one occasion while doing my job in a University Group, exercising my talent in Due Diligence as an Investigative Expert, one member of the group, Jamie, went missing. The team called and asked a simple question - Can you find Jamie for us, we have not heard from her and would like to see how she how she is doing in Denver? This was on a Friday afternoon. By Saturday morning - I could find no traces of Jamie in Denver.  The records were “incongruent” with the narrative.  Further, it appeared that her boyfriend may have had at least two different identities. It was at this point I called my friend back and advised him that they should call Jamie’s parents and the police - immediately.


This got me to thinking, "How would one avoid a bad relationship?"


1. Look at their family upbrining. The family is always a strong indicator of the future.  While we leave childhood and our family behind us, it does not leave us.  The statistics are very clear that an abusing spouse was probably an abused child.


2. Don't expect to change someone. If you get into a relationship scheming on how you are going to change someone - you most often regret it. 


3. People must enter a relationship mentally and physically uninhibited.  It must be a freely made choice, not one where a party is manipulated into the relationship or where one or both party’s thought processes are somehow chemically altered.  We are aware of alcohol and street drugs but prescription drugs pose a more subtle problem. From what I have read between 3% to 5% of the population is on some form of anti-depression or anti-anxiety medication.  These medicines tend to numb one’s perception of danger.  It also must be a full commitment - no hedging or but what ifs....


4. Be aware of professionals. If you are in a relationship and you are not sure about it - seek the guidance of a professional, not people at work, your friends or family.  While these are all well meaning people and they will all have opinions - they are wrong.  See a professional.


5. Remember the golden rule. It is better to be single than in harm’s way.


We go though so much of our life in comfort zones, never seeking risk and thus avoiding any hope of success. We have become comfortable with our existence - but it is a numbing if not nauseating (to me) comfort that begins to envelop us - and we fail to remember that we are here to fight the good fight.  The evidence of this is all around us, people are mugged while most just stand by and watch. When a car crash happens only a few stop to help - others see the event, but more like a spectator as they watch TV - they seem to be fascinated by it. But there is a mental disconnect that what has happened is real.  Success is what you have when you fight the good fight, and failure is not failure to achieve you goals - that is a learning experience.  Failure is when you give up.


Gail is right - prepare for both, and fight the good fight.


Mr. Files is a published author of five books, in particular "Due Diligence for the Financial Professional, 2nd edition 2010" and "Money and Budgets" other writing and material can be found at .  Mr. Files is an international speaker on these topics. 


FE&E, Inc. is an international investigative firm specializing in, fraud prevention, asset recovery, due diligence, anti money laundering and intellectual property. 


As a financial industry insider for over 30 years he is keenly aware of the type, and accuracy of the information required to make decisions. Mr. Files has been the case manager on fraud investigations ranging from tens of thousands of dollars to over 3 billion.   As an international expert on due diligence and Intellectual Property and Critical Information (IPCI) he is regularly sought for those cases that bedevil the desktop practitioners. 


This article is courtesy of the Top 1% Club and the Top 1% Club Mentor Gail Kasper. For additional information on Gail Kasper, her television appearances and speaking engagements, please visit